Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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