Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
