I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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