I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
