I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
