Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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