He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
