Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
