I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
