And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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