My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
