This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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