Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
