Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
