We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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