If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
