There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
