we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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