You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
