woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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