is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
