I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
