the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
