Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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