OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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