So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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