Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
