i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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