You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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