me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
