i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
