I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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