I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
