I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
