The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
