Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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