I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
