We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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