So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
