I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
