I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
