How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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