He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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