i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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