Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
