Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
