The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
