where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
