At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
