I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
