dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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