Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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